Advice From The Blender
And my New Year’s resolutions are…
By Susan Hetrick © January 2008
We are now three weeks into the New Year. How are your New Year’s resolutions holding up?
If you’re like 90% of Americans, you’ve now lost your resolve and are back to business as usual. Most people give up on their New Year’s resolutions by January 8th. Yet, experts say it takes 21 days (that’s 3 full weeks!) for a new behavior to develop into a habit. That’s 21 days of concerted effort and mindfulness – proactively concentrating on your resolution, developing a plan to incorporate it into your life, and putting the plan into action. It is about 14 days more than most people are willing to work at it! We live in a world of instant messaging, microwave meals, email, voice mail, fast food, and a “gotta-have-it-NOW” mentality.
What do New Year’s resolutions have to do with blended families? Too many people look at their stepfamily like a resolution: they enter the family blender with the “gotta-have-it-NOW” mentality. They think they can just add water, stir, and Presto! Instant Happy Family! Unfortunately, in the real world, it doesn’t work that way. As my friend Ron Deal, of Successful Stepfamilies, says, “How do you cook a stepfamily? With a crock pot…v-e-r-y slowly.”
Becoming a fully functioning, healthy and loving blended family takes time, a concerted effort and mindfulness – proactively concentrating on fostering loving relationships, helping one another heal from the pain of the past, developing a plan to include all new family members in your life, putting the plan into action, and resolving to work at it, for the long-haul. It is a time-consuming work, which often feels like a daily battle. But just like keeping a resolution until it becomes a habit, putting in the effort with your blending family so that the separate individuals evolve into a true family, is worth it.
The other day our 12-year old daughter Lysa and I were discussing my friend Chelle. Chelle and her husband Dan are currently on a 10-day Mediterranean cruise, celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary (yes, that’s 25 years – married to the same person! Apparently, it does happen.) Lysa turned to me and said, “You and Daddy have a 5-year anniversary next year. We should all do something special, like maybe go on a cruise together, to celebrate five years of being a family!”
I was so touched! Lysa wants to celebrate being a family. Now keep in mind, this is the same little girl who called me “the Infiltrator” just four short years ago! All of our efforts have been worth it.
So hang in there with your family. Never give up on them. As the apostle Paul wrote to the Romans: “May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had…accept one another then, just as Christ accepted you.” (15:5,7) and “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves…Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” (12:10,12)
For more information on this and other blending family topics, read Advice From The Blender: What to know before you blend so nobody gets creamed (2007 Xulon Press) by Susan J. Hetrick. Help is also available online at www.advicefromtheblender.com.
