While divorce dissolves marriages, it does not dissolve families. The children in your blending family are still related to their original grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins from both sides of their family of origin. When you remarry and your family moves into the blender, new "sides" of your family are added exponentially, increasing the number of family members, and creating new relationships. This means that your children/stepchildren may now have four (or more!) sets of grandparents, several new aunts and uncles, and many more cousins. The trick is to create and maintain healthy relationships with all of these people - the inlaws and the outlaws - for the sake of the children.

I can tell you right now that this may not be easy. For example, my former father-inlaw did not wish to be contacted by me for any reason, even if it was about his grandchildren. Any effort I made towards a cordial relationship with him was met with stony silence. In such cases, it is best to remember that each person chooses how they will behave toward others. Take the high road: be civil and friendly, and hope for the best. Just don't take it personally if you are rebuffed.

Your goal should be to maintain a cordial (if not friendly) relationship with your outlaws. Send them photos and periodic updates on what their grandkids are up to, birthday cards and holiday greetings, and thank-you notes for gifts for the children. Arrange for the children to visit their grandparents and other family members, if possible. A little effort on your part can go a long way in building a solid family foundation for your children. "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all people." (Romans 12:18).

Remember, family is not a four-letter word!

For more information on this and other blending family topics, read Advice From The Blender: What to know before you blend so nobody gets creamed (2007 Xulon Press) by Susan J. Hetrick. Help is also available online at www.advicefromtheblender.com.