Advice From The Blender
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The Brady Bunch was the dream of a family, two divorcees with children remarrying and finding happiness. However, that's just what it was - a dream. "Advice from the Blender: What to Know Before You Blend So Nobody Gets Creamed" is a parenting advice handbook for divorced or widowed parents with children who seem to be on the path to marrying another in the same condition. With advice on integrating families with one another, how to get over stepfamily myths, dealing with complicated feelings, and bonding new family members, Advice from the Blender is a complete and comprehensive book to help non-traditional families become traditional families. Highly recommended to community library parenting collections and for anyone with children who is engaged to a spouse with children.
*****
Yours, mine and ours and...what the heck?!
Reviewed By Mary Longorio,
I am a blender child. When my father remarried, his new wife also married three little girls from his first marriage. I have little memory of that time, as a matter of fact, I didn't know my "mother" was actually my stepmother until was 13! Of course, I was a product of a time when divorce, remarriage and all that accompanies life changes was not talked about. With divorces hovering in the fifty percent range, divorce is out in the open. Yet, with all that openness, problems still abound.
Advice from the Blender is a deceptively general overview. Divided into eight chapters, Susan J. Hetrick draws not only on her own experiences blending two families, she has a wide variety of blended families' experiences as well. This is one of the few books that mention older second marriages. Each chapter begins with advice, and then gives several questions to think about while reading real families' struggles and solutions with the same topic (i.e.: choosing battles, in-laws, ex spouses, holidays, etc.). After relating experiences from some of the families, there is a brief wrap up and off to another topic. The information is on topic, brief and presented more in a suggestion format. Hetrick is an M.Div in counseling, and there is a religious influence throughout the book, but it doesn't bash the reader over the head. The Appendixes have several book, Internet and organizational offerings. There is also a separate Appendix of Bible verses for the blended family.
Throughout the book the themes of respect, kindness, and humor are emphasized.....and Hetrick approaches her audience in the same way. Hearing the voices of others in the same situations, and their solutions can make the step-parent feel a little less alone. This is a good book to read before the blend, or to give to someone considering the move.
*****
Practical Help for Stepfamilies
Reviewed by Barbara Sheldon, M.S.W.,
Susan Hetrick writes with the voice of experience. She's a stepmom herself, trying to figure it out with the rest of us. I found it easy to relate to her stories in this helpful book.
"Blending" is the wrong analogy, isn't it? But so far no one has come up with a better way to understand the challenges of taking pieces from two (or more) different families, and forming a new family circle. Whether you have children from previous marriages, decide to have a child in your new marriage union, or mix some combination of the above: it's all work.
There's a lot of useful help here, time-tested and proven to work. I enjoyed the book and have recommended it to several clients already. As a divorced woman and busy single mom, I also picked up a few good parenting tips that are helping me in my own family.
*****
Humorous, Candid, Inspiring
Reviewed by Richard R. Blake (Amazon, Midwest Book Review)
Susan J. Hetrick offers practical guidance, hope, and a renewed sense of purpose for blended families in her book “Advice from the Blender.” This is a book about and for stepfamilies.
Susan and her new husband David started their marriage with two ready made families which included two boys, two girls, two dogs, one cat, and a hamster. Insights are drawn from their experience and from a compilation of similar stories of other couples entering into blended family situations.
A common thread is evident in all of the stories which Susan has labeled eight key ingredients for blending a family. These keys focus on expectations and roles of the family members, baggage brought into the new relationships, dealing with the past, and bonding together as a new family.
Parenting skills and helping kids adjust are among top priority considerations. Experiences with extended families can include culture shock.
The final chapter incorporates all of the eight ingredients into a recipe unique for your personal blended family with tips and pointers on making things fun as you work out your strategy, develop contingency plans, and enjoying the process. A comprehensive resource list and a compilation of Bible verses directed specifically at blended family needs are included in an important appendix.
The format of the book is user friendly with short illustrative examples of real life stories, pointed quotes, bulleted points, paragraph headings, formulas, summary statements, and questions for reflection and discussion for the entire family. The book is an excellent resource for pastors, counselors, stepparents and their children. It will be especially helpful for anyone planning to enter into a blended family relationship.
“Advice from the Blender” meets a definite need, filling the gap where there is an obvious void of helpful information. This is a unique segment of our society. Families often overlooked, misunderstood, or shunned by former friends, and family members. Hetrick writes with clarity, humor, and directness. She makes a positive, inspirational, and informative contribution in effectively meeting this need. Five Stars.
*****
A nice little book for anyone who is in a stepfamily situation, or considering starting one. Read it so you can plan for success,
Reviewed By Marci Twain (
This is simply a wonderful book. It is well outlined and well written. It's not too long nor is it too short. And it was an easy read. I read it cover to cover on my train ride to work one morning last week. It has the following eight chapters and two "add-ons" at the end:
1. Step-family expectations and roles
2. Dealing with the past, and making your marriage your #1 priority
3. Bonding as a family without resorting to Super Glue or duct tape
4. Helping the kids adjust
5. Blending parenting skills
6. The "ex-tended" family experience
7. What blending really means
8. Your family blending recipe
A. Resources for blending families
B. Bible verses for blended families
A blended family is one where married spouses have a child that is not biological to at least one of the parents. Technically there really is no need that one parent be biological since the one parent I assume to be biological may have adopted the child. In any event, a blended family must have children as part of the mix. And it is often the children that make blended families harder to remain families.
I suspect that the spouses in any blended family would do themselves a favor by reading this book. By mixing knowledge of people skills along with the content included in this book I would think that a stepfamily would have a much greater chance of surviving. This book does a nice job of hitting the issues that typically need to be tackled by a couple who have chosen to become a stepfamily. They have to deal with one another, they have to deal with the kids, they have to deal with the ex's, and they have to deal with the old and new in-laws. It gets quite complicated. After reading the book I'm not sure the headaches are all worth it.
Probably the biggest weakness in the book is that there is no coverage of interfaith marriages or of same-sex marriages. And I would have been more comfortable if the author had left her own Christian beliefs out of the book. However, she's done such a nice job with the book for ALL to read and benefit from. 5 stars!
*****
Very Practical
Reviewed by: Kelly K. Damron
Author of Tiny Toes: A Couple's Journey Through Infertility, Prematurity, and Depression.
Susan J. Hetrick offers practical guidance in a simple and easy to read format, in her book Advice from the Blender. With stories compiled from her personal experience as well as other couples circling in the blender, the reader can relate and seek guidance from the insights and stories provided.
A friend of mine recently remarried and I provided her with a copy of this book for her and her new husband to read. The key ingredients for blending a family are important to address early in the relationship and are crucial to manage in the blended marriage. This book is a must read for all members of the blended family including the new in-laws and maybe even for ex-in-laws who might be willing to learn how their actions play a role in the recipe.
In a society where divorce is all too common, learning how to cope with the challenges of a blended family are crucial. If everyone in a blended family could take one lesson from this book it's possible that the success rate of second and third marriages would increase significantly. 5 Stars.
***** A much needed resource. By Pastor Monty Rainey Blended families are becoming more and more prevalent in today's society. I just went back and looked at my records of the last 50 couples I have coached and 27, or 54% were blended families. Not only are blended families becoming more and more common, they are also far more challenging to make successful. ADVICE FROM THE BLENDER by Susan Hetrick helps make those challenges smoother. Transitioning to a New Family Environment By Bryan Carey, Advice from the Blender is all about building new family bonds when two previously married individuals with children decide to take another plunge and marry once more. Author Susan Hetrick speaks from experience, since she has a blended family of her own. She and her current husband have many years of marriage and parenting experience between them and they gained much of this experience long before they met and got married for the second time. They knew the situation wouldn't be easy, but both were prepared for the challenges and successes that lie ahead when the two separate families became melded into a single unit. *****
Making a marriage a great marriage is an enormous task by itself. Throw kids in the mix and it becomes exponentially more difficult. Not only are you learning to live with someone you love, with kids you also have to learn to love someone you live with! It becomes even more difficult when these little mini-humans wish you were dead!
In truth, blended families face so many variables, it would be impossible to cover them all. Rev. Hetrick does a good job of presenting some of the more common problems blended families will face. There is a great deal of well-presented information packed into 150-pages. You may also find some other useful resources in the Appendixes dealing with blended families and their unique difficulties.
A blended marriage creates a whole new set of problems that are all too often overlooked. Anyone about to become a part of a blended family would benefit greatly from this book.
*****
Statistics show that more than half of all marriages end in divorce and in the case of remarriages, the statistics are even worse, with the two parties in a second marriage more likely to see their second attempt (or third, or fourth, etc.) at matrimony also end in divorce. There are many reasons for these depressing statistics, but a good part of the reason for the high rate of divorce is the issue with children. Kids often have a very difficult time adjusting to a new parent and new stepbrothers and stepsisters. Some kids are resentful of the new arrangement and feel they now have to compete for attention. Other kids become depressed and long for their birth mother and father to reunite. Advice from the Blender attempts to offer advice and general suggestions for making this transition as smooth as possible.
This book is divided into eight chapters that offer words of advice on different aspects of the blended family. Much of the advice it gives is based on examples from real people, and these examples are included throughout the book. The microphone is handed to actual couples and sometimes actual families, allowing them to express themselves directly, pointing out the challenges they faced and the steps they took to face them. These examples of actual people with real problems in family blending give the book a realistic dimension that helps average people relate.
Aside from the examples, Advice From the Blender also offers its own commentary on the subject of family blending, with general advice on what works and what doesn't. Each chapter ends with a bulleted summary of important points, followed by a list of questions for reflection and discussion. Most of the advice is pretty common- sense, with a few key points that some blended families might find useful. The advice is all pretty good, but I should caution that the book blends religion into its anecdotes. It doesn't overdose on religion when it provides advice, and that is good. But the book does include religion in many of its solutions to problems and some people might find this less than helpful. Appendix B is, in fact, a collection of Bible verses that relate to blending families.
Overall, Advice From the Blender is a good book about combining families, working out differences, seeking common ground, and striving for harmony. It isn't the greatest book I have read on the subject of family togetherness, but it is a respectable effort from the author. Previously divorced spouses who join together in a new marriage have many serious issues and adding kids to the equation further compounds the problem. Learning to get along is a challenge and finding ways to mesh children from different backgrounds together into a cohesive unit takes time and patience. Communication, tolerance, structure, etc., are all essential ingredients in making a smooth landing with a newly blended family and Advice From the Blender offers many quick tips on creating a successful, secure, and mostly harmonious home when divorcees with children decide to give marriage one more try.
